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Valentine's Day

2012-02-14T16:21:37Z

I'm not one of those angry people haters that despises Valentine's Day because I've been burned by love, or because I'm alone, or because I disapprove of the economic Hallmark gimmick. Don't get me wrong. I am an angry people hater, I've been burned by love & I have been alone. I even think Valentine's Day is a gimmick. However, who can really blame Hallmark (or Santa) for stimulating the economy.

I just don't believe that that box of candy means you love me. It may very well mean that I am one of 10 in 7 Billion that rate a greeting card from you. That's pretty fucking special. Sincerely.... Thank you for letting me in your club. But does being in your club mean you love me? That isn't necessarily the case.

Keep your candy....ok, I'll take it and eat it...even enjoy eating it and think of you when I savor the chocolaty goodness...but I don't suddenly believe that you love me when you give me candy and some flowers.

I know you love me. I knew it when:

you already knew I was gay and still treated me like your sister and when I told you I was kinky you still treated me like your friend.
when you brought me chicken soup and laid in bed with when I was sick.
when you watched Bridezilla and helped make wedding invitations into the night.
when you opened your door when I showed up crying.
when you helped me move...again.
when you came to my collaring party...on time.
when you didn't give up on me, even when I did.
when you told me that you missed me and I could hear it your voice.
when you stood by my side even when I was wrong.
when you called me on my bull shit, but didn't make me feel judged.

I know you love me. It's all I need. I love you too. I hope you know it. Happy Valentine's Day.

Everything I need to know I learned in the dungeon

2012-02-10T21:04:40Z

I've often wondered about how we learn. What, in fact, shapes the people we are? How do we develop our personalities, or quirks, our pet-peeves, or values? Our ideas of self worth? Of integrity? Of deviance? Of course, these questions can't be answered. Not, at least, on a group or cultural level. We – individuals in a society – learn from any combination of social interactions, media influence, parental/family nurturing, experiences and inherent biological influences. But how these mix of things actually come out in the blender of life and influence the "individual" – you or I, even my sister or I – is completely unique. Take conjoined twins, for example. Every experience (in the basic concept of experience that is) is the same. How is it then that they develop into two unique individuals?

I can't answer any of these questions. I really don't have any desire to do so. That doesn't stop me for enjoying asking them, exploring them, and perhaps even learning from them. I do have a strong – unstoppable desire – for self examination. Why do I have (I hate to use the word "suffer") OCD? Why do have almost no memory capacity? Why am I the person that I am? How did I get here? Not "here," sitting at my laptop at four in the morning, in the home that I share with my affluent boyfriend, with my ginorous Mastiff puppy at my feet, with my fat cat oozing his dominance all over my desk. How did I get here? How did I become the person I am today?

I've been exploring this question for as long as I can remember (which is about five days – the approximate time that my detailed memory capacity extends). And finally – yes – here it is – an epiphany !

All I really need to know I learned in the Dungeon.

I was discussing this revelation with my dear friend Patty, who is often the victim of my random rants and explorations of the human condition, while we were out shopping the other day. We were at a Joann's Fabric and craft store on the opposite side of town. The good stores are always on the other side of town. Now, what you might ask are two Dungeon go'ers doing at Joann's? Apparently, the cashier (a recently published and extremely geeky comic book writer wondered the same thing.

"Really?" he questioned, overhearing our conversation, "you learned everything you need to know playing D&D?"

D&D? What the hell is D&D? Ahhhh, the thought suddenly washed over me, Dungeons and Dragons.

"Ah, not so much," I grinned digging in my purse trying to find my coupon for forty percent off of my scrapbooking purchase. "A dungeon. You know crack!" I handed him my coupon simulating the not so delicate motion of Indiana Jones throwing a wet whip.

"Ah," he echoed turning toward the register to complete my purchase.

We quickly gathered up our purchases, all the while trying not to giggle (too loudly) and hustled out into the parking lot. Once there, Patty echoed the cashier's question, "Really," sly giggle, "what did exactly learn in the dungeon?" Pause. "in addition to making cashier's blush."

"I learned how to be a better me."

Welcome

2011-01-09T20:30:59Z

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